What Is Life? It
Isn't Everything or so the instrumental said.
Never in a million
years did I think when I took time out earlier this year from the blog would I
return in such circumstances. My dad who was also my best friend, rock, teacher
and mentor passed away after a short illness. He seemed to be recovering initially
but a cruel fate twist meant he would never achieve his greatest wish at the
time and return home. To say it left me devastated would be an understatement,
crushed beyond recognition would not overstate the emotion.
That happened roughly
a month ago but time has gone quickly but has only dulled the pain minutely. A
pinhead of light has appeared, faint but present. I know with my dad's guidance
it will get stronger, he'll see to that for certain. It's up to me to pick up
that torch and spread the light. Hopefully from this time on his light will
shine on through me.
Since Christmas I
haven't had a single minute to myself. Back and forth to the hospital and then
dealing with the aftermath of his passing. Music was mostly nonexistent in that
period, certainly Elton was even further behind on the back burner. Not done on
purpose, things just happened that way. When I did get some time to indulge in
the aural pleasures it was usually non Elton material of wildly varying flavours.
Rachmaninov’s 3rd piano concerto played live by Yuju Wang took me into a deep
place with its challenging sections, both in playing and listening terms. Dark
avenues that had no walls yet had no way out. Occasional brief clips of light
arcs only to be thrust into darkness again. Then I'd stray over to Pink Floyd
live in Boston in 1977, Shine On You Crazy Diamond (Parts VI-IX) with Part IX
being a particularly stirring moment of melancholy and reflection. A lament for
a living person who was essentially emotionally dead, the sad bassline from
Roger Waters one of the most ebb lowering musical eulogies ever delivered. If that
wasn't damning enough in its doom, the twin wails and cries of Snowy White on
the Les Paul and Dave Gilmour on the Fender not only knocking dead the Gibson v
Fender debate (they both won on the earlier parts) but the harmonious intertwining
at odds with the emotional message. Two guitars sounding like a thousand souls
pleading for their salvation. The final play out on the synth from Rick Wright
fading like a sunset...like life itself.
My dad said he
enjoyed his life, he did everything he wanted to do. He was only a few weeks
short of 83 when he passed so saw more changes in that space of time than
anyone would have in the last thousand years. Being a teacher for most of his
working life he helped shaped countless lives for the better. Both in terms of
the topics he taught and the shaping of those young minds. Two of whom were
myself and my brother. We can count ourselves eternally lucky to be part of
that elite bunch.
My dad and I were
alike in so many ways but different in many others. Whether it was
subconsciously or not, he may have passed his love of keyboard music over to
me. His music tastes were incredible diverse, why wouldn't they be when his
first music contact would have been in the 1930's right up to the here and now.
In amongst his vast vinyl collection stand out two landmark pieces of keyboard
elegance. Green Onions by Booker T And The MG's (1962) and Switched-On Bach
(1968). Both highly influential albums at the time of their release, both masterpieces
of their genre's. Dad was a great organ aficionado, whether it be pipe or
electric. The power in both instruments never fails to move the ears or stir
the soul whatever the setting.
So what of Elton in
the aftermath of this emotional rollercoaster? Last weekend when things had
begun to ease off ever so slightly my mind began to drift back to that natural
place of comfort. Whereas in other dark times before all of this the music had
played a crucial part, this time it had been absent. So I needed a method to
get back in. I knew if I could find some route in then maybe, or even
certainly, I could begin the slow steps to rebuilding my life again. I gave it
some thought as to how to start step one. But there was no choice really in the
end, there was only one fitting place to start. I knew it would be the right
place, the only place and so it proved to be.
Luckily my dad was
never in pain right up to the end but his slow fade away was mentally and
emotionally destructive. Whether he was aware of his own decline I'll never
know nor need to. What I do know is the rest of us were aware of it. Fully and
honestly. There was no hiding place from it. When you have that sort of scenario
laid out in front of you, the inner strength reserve drains very quickly. But
didn't run dry. There always seemed to be something holding us in there. Just
like dad himself.
The Sunday before he
passed was the last time we were all together with him as a family. The four of
us in our proper places together. But the situation was far from proper. I knew
at that stage time was being borrowed heavily and that payback was going to be
the hardest thing ever. I was extremely emotionally upset that day, not wanting
to acknowledge the inevitable but preferring to look forward to a positive future
instead. Putting aside his own feelings which he kept hidden, he could still
find time to comfort me even though he was need of it more than even before. '’Don't
upset yourself, man. You'll be alright’', he said with a sense of knowing. The positivity
came stronger from my dad even at the lowest point for us all. Even at the
weakest point of his long life he could sill muster a sense of wanting to go
and do more. "We had loads of great times together, didn't we,'' I said
through the tears beside his bed as I held his frail hand. ''We did, man. And
we'll have many more again,'' he promised me back with a sense of genuine
belief. I believed it then and I believe it even greater with each passing day.
I know dad did, even more so than I could have imagined at the time. But what
reinforced that sense of belief was something familiar and something that made
even more sense after this life changing experience.
'Someday We'll Live Like Horses'
My first step was
Bernie's painful to write but ultimately joyful expression of a hope yet to be
realised. Live Like Horses was just that, his own tribute to his own fading
dad. Lyrically it would express that crossing over to better things, that sense
of pain released. Whether it be physical or mental the relief is something we
can only dream about at this stage. The title says it all and is well in tune
with my dad and myself. Both of us being western fans buying into the imagery
of free reining together and enjoying the good times together again. That hope
which I ultimately pray will be realised is that we get to enjoy that emotion
once more together after enjoying our lives together is something that will
drive me on for the rest of my life. That vision when it's my turn makes
everything here on in more worthwhile.
I took the version on
The Big Picture as my first port call, the tolling bell effect at the start
heralding Elton's sharply delivered vocal. A powerful orchestral backdrop,
carefully timed by Guy Babylon, rises and falls with depth and height but
always stays in view. Occasional drum reverb from Charlie Morgan resonates with
a heavy ricochet. Sharp acoustic strums and picks from Davey add a balance of
sadness, the pedal steel effect from John Jorgenson on the 'blues' lyric
equally sympathetic. The Angel Voices are critical here, expertly chosen with
an exquisite delivery. Their sound is neither here nor there. In other words is
it on this side or the other side? Answer is, neither. It just exists. Here,
there and all around us. Sending dad on his way and welcoming him home. All at
the same time and at once. The final chorus is the ultimate evocation of how
music can be emotional and an affirmation of the certain joy. Sadness in time
will become a non entity.
I had to put on the
Pavarotti version as my dad was a fan of his. I remember when they did the duet
version live in 1996 my dad was impressed with the song. So this version is
kind of even more momentous now. On a La Scala scale, Pavarotti adds a dynamic
of drama that grabs emotion by the throat with a soft grip. What else would you
expect from one of the defining voices of the 20th Century. His phrasing
readjusts itself with a swagger to align itself with (which for him are)
unusual changes and timings. So even though both voices never meet they still
have a terrific relationship. Chris Thomas is often queried as to his
production values at this time but each choice he made was essential and worthy
additions. Understanding the lyric is key to a great producer so he finds the
elements that are required to give a properly choreographed delivery. Hence
Elton's vocal is clear and unaffected by too many outside influences; the
backdrop has a great balance between the delicate and the might.
Which sums up the
song perfectly. It was always a top class one in my opinion but like I keep
saying on this blog over last couple of years, perspective is everything. From
my current perspective the song has changed irrevocably. From a sad standpoint
but one that ultimately brings something good. Hopefully.
'To Be Friends'
But I wasn't done
yet. I still had an avenue or two to go down. One intentional, the other by
pure chance. Another song in the back of my mind that I wanted to explore at
this time was Keep Right On by Davey on his Smiling Face album. This song is
another super favourite of mine for various reasons. The guitar solo shouldn't
be a stranger to anyone with familiar with the live version of Rocket Man from
1982-86. Secondly the song features all of the 'Pillars' and 'Hercules' himself
on harmonium. It's a terrific melody with some short but incredibly poignant
lyrics.
Like Bernie's later
tribute, Davey wrote this song too for his dad. As Davey sang, I too have been
thinking of dad and all the good things he told me and indeed taught me. How
else for instance would I have made the model of Starship 1 or the model of the
Spitfire I sent to Nigel a few years back without him passing on his skills to
me. Davey's gentle vocal delivery is the perfect light handed touch needed
here. The opening nostalgic feel is swept up by trademark Nigel fills and
breaks that could have been handpicked off Don't Shoot Me or GYBR. As could
have Dee's bass with its full plectrum picking sound. The solo is a myriad of
guitar colours, Leslie speakers swimming back and forth as Elton on the
harmonium gives it that slightly reverential feel. Del Newman's strings are
introduced on the solo, the repeat of the solo where they really kick in with
the 'full' sound rounding out the package. The guitars dance a ballet,
communicating with each other and to the audience before slowly retreating with
bowed heads.
The lyrics here are a
simple reminder that the basic things in life are to be cherished and valued.
Once you get those priorities in line, then the complicated stuff will look
after itself. To be able to write such a simple wish and put it too music is
truly a gift. Again this song will have a greater more personal resonance as
the lyrics say exactly what I feel and always felt. I was now setting out again
but still needed that kick inside. Unexpectedly I got it.
'Fly Away, High Away, Bye Bye'
The next day there
was nothing on the telly box so I popped in the DVD of the full Bonnaroo show
from last June. I had heard the audio of it already but this was the first time
viewing said extravaganza. Anyway I was watching it and was enjoying it but
waiting or hoping for a spark to light up. And it did, I was saved! Not by
Someone, but by Elton that night!
Someone Saved My Life
Tonight is a thoroughly uplifting song at the best of times, even when you're
on cloud nine. It still has that knack to push that cloud nearer the abode of
the Blessed. So imagine when you're still on terra firma and it belts up. Ready
to fly, high away. My dad was a great aviation fanatic, not a number cruncher
but a true expert in all aspects of it right from the engineering and technical
aspects outwards. So when Elton sang that line a vision came into my mind of
dad flying somewhere. Suddenly I could feel an invisible switch go on
somewhere. Elton banging out the chunky chords of the riff like a clarion call,
then when Nigel's drum crashed in and the band's vocals came into formation
with Elton it was as if life had been reaffirmed and had been declared winner
alright. No matter how dark it is, no matter how dimly lit the light is, the
pitch black atmosphere will be punctured. And that's what happened here, when
Kim brought the string synth into play it was like the shrill of a distant jet
engine. Matt's driving bassline before the outro is introduced and Davey
blazing like an afterburner on his solo were perfect replies to Elton’s charged
emotional vocal on the final chorus.
So totally out of
nowhere...well not really I expect, another song that was always special to me
will now have a greater depth of emotional attachment. I would never have associated
the lyric of the butterfly flying high with my dad flying at a similar altitude
but someone...I wonder who...sowed that seed. I heard Elton and the band sing
it and then I really HEARD it. Not for the first time of course but for the
first time under a new relationship. My relationship with my dad was the best
thing I ever had…and still have…wherever he is now he's making my relationship
with the greatest music ever even more critical to my wellbeing.
Finally I’d like to
thank everyone who messaged me over the last while, especially all the Elton Facebook
fans, the EJ band and their alumni for their support. Top class people first
and foremost, top class musicians with equal grace and style.
No comments:
Post a Comment